Looking Back

People normally have 1 of 2 reactions to reflecting and looking back on their life. One person might choose to not look back because why would you? 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” Why look back when the old flesh is not there anymore? Lots of people choose to move forward and push their old life out of their minds. Or there are people that are the exact opposite, like me. I agree with the old passing away and being made new, but I think it is crucial to look back every once in a while in order to move forward.

It sounds backwards but reflecting and looking at God’s hand in my life, even when I was distant, encourages me to move forward. It reminds me Emmanuel is not just a fancy name but truth to build my life on. God is with me. Even when I couldn’t see it in that circumstance, even when I could not feel Him. I am saying this and don’t let me trick you into thinking I have it figured out. It is definitely easier to believe and have faith for someone else. In your head, in your prayers, you can believe so fervently for someone else’s miracle, someone else’s break through, or simply the love and desire God has for someone. It goes without question, I would stake my life on the statement God is so deeply in love with His children. And yet as I say that my mind pulls myself out of the equation. Yes, I say, everyone but me. But I know, I know, Romans 8 says that if I am a child (which I am) than I am co-heirs with Christ, the son with whom God is well pleased. (Matthew 3:17) So.. He must be well pleased with me, because in laying my life down I picked up the one Jesus laid down long ago. Anyway all of that to say, I have to look back and remember the way God has moved in my life before really being Christian and after being Christian to reassure my wary heart. To put the truth I know in my mind into my heart.

When we take the time to be still and to see the intricacy and detail of God’s work in our lives, it is truly astounding.

Recently, I spoke with my grandma. I call her Ita haha but that’s besides the point. She told me about her life and family as a little girl. Born in New York, mother had TB while pregnant/giving birth, stayed in the hospital for a year because she had TB, mother was sent to Roosevelt Island in a type of quarantine for people with TB, mother dies when she is 6, father is a merchant marine and is gone most of the year, her siblings split up being taken care of by different family members, she was raised by her 18 year old aunt and her husband, raised Pentecostal/catholic, exposed to witchcraft by one of her grandmothers (seeing seances, possession, and hexing), the other grandma being a devout Catholic who prayed tirelessly for her Family members to be let out of Purgatory, living in rat/roach infested apartments, and as a young child she was in and out of the hospital which led to her being in a coma not expected to live. This is where it gets good. The doctors tells her aunt Esther that my Ita will not make it, to call a priest and say goodbye. Esther refuses to believe that this little girl is going to die and begins to pray. (Esther is an amazing woman also as she prayed for her entire catholic family to convert to Christianity and one by one they did) She prayed through the night and the next morning my Ita’s eyes fluttered open. The doctors were astonished and although not a believer credited the recovery to God and God alone. Of course there is so much more that happened in my grandmother’s life, but look at all she went through. Look at all God carried her through. She eventually married my grandfather who became a surgeon in the army, had three kids, traveled A LOT (and continues to), and lived a comfortable life. All that could have changed the direction of her life, yet God held her close. No witchcraft, no poverty, no death would overcome the calling God had on her life.

That is not even my personal story, but reflecting on that I am encouraged. It is refreshing to my spirit to see the will of God triumph over hardships. I hope it was uplifting for you as well.

All of this to say, look back once in a while. Look back on your life, on the lives of your family members, on your friends. See the web God had to weave in everyone’s life to bring them to where they are now. There is a verse in Proverbs that I have been thinking on a lot. Proverbs 8:22 - ”I, wisdom, was with the Lord when he began his work, long before he made anything else.“ It reminds me of the intentionality in which I was created. The wisdom that was with God as he created the universe is the same wisdom he used to create me. It is the same wisdom that he used to guide me out of the darkness of depression and anxiety. It is the same wisdom that he gave to my grandmother to see the evil in witchcraft in which she was surrounded. It is the same wisdom that revealed the Glory of God and relationship he desires with his children to Esther, my grandmother’s aunt.

The complexity of God’s mind and the strength of His hand revealed through the lives of his Children is beautiful. Take the time to reflect, to thank God, to recall His goodness that has followed you all the days of your life.