Hey. Just me trying to be conversational through blog post yet again. I crave authenticity and relatability in my own life, so hopefully this style of writing is something you can appreciate. I don’t want to preach at anyone, I want deep conversations and thought through technology if that is possible. Anyway, here is my real with you.
Recently I have been experiencing more mood swings than normal. I have always known I feel emotions intensely. They are overwhelming 99% of the time. Which is great when I am happy, but absolutely suffocating when I am on the other end of the spectrum. I’m not going to lie, I thought I had the reigns to my emotions tightly in my hands, and that is probably where I went wrong. Nothing is ever in control in my hands, which must be the most infuriating thing about life. How ironic is it that as children we are taught that our destiny is in our hands, or our fate just at the tips of our fingers if we just try hard and reach for it. And to a certain extent life is what we make it. We do decide to go to college or not. We decide our majors. We decide where we apply out of college. But none of that guarantees satisfaction, or joy, or provision, or safety, or love, or anything. There are no promises. Ok, now that the pessimist in me has gotten all of that out. Where does that leave me then? Where does that leave you? What do you do with the fact that nothing is promised in this life and your hands aren’t strong enough to control the things around you?
I don’t want to throw verses at you and say “HERE, JESUS IS THE ANSWER.” Because (especially if you were raised in a Christian household) you know deep down that yes, Jesus is the answer. I think we can all say that in our heads we know God is in control, that He is the only being that can promise satisfaction, joy, provision, love etc AND follow through with them. My question is what do you do when you don’t feel that way? I try not to bring emotions into it, because emotions lie to us a lot of the time or at least mine do. If I let how I feel rule my life …. that would be scary. But they do serve a purpose, without them we would be robots. Soooo, what is their purpose?
I believe they are another thing that points us back to Jesus. You know nature can lead us to the creator, circumstances can lead us to God, people can redirect us toward the Father, and emotions can too. Granted you lean into it and let those things guide you to Jesus. The beautiful thing about relationship is you choose it, so you can ignore the whispers of nature and people speaking wisdom into your life, drawing you towards God. I mean if you wanted to.
Anyway, my point is, a lot of times emotions expose what you are missing. In my case, I tend to lean towards anger, anxiety, and loneliness. Those tell me 1. I need more patience and understanding 2. I need to trust not in myself or in my own abilities, but in the promises of God that have been graciously given to me and 3. I need to find contentment in just me and God, and not rely on others.
I fall into these emotions so easily when I am distant. The ONLY way to properly handle these emotions and voids they create in my life is going to God. Not to expose myself, but it usually takes me a week of sulking and hiding from life before I decide to talk to God about it. So, I understand it is easier said than done. I understand it seems easier to just feel like crap than to do anything about it (sounds crazy when you say it out loud huh). But listen, when you are being refreshed by the Spirit daily, when you stay connected to the source of true joy, peace, love, wisdom etc. Life is different. Instead of asking for more patience or more peace or more whatever, immerse yourself in the presence of the one who embodies all of those things. If you abide in him, His characteristics, His attributes, will overflow into your life and even out to those around you. God gives in abundance. You cannot be connected to the source and remain empty.
And a little extra for my fellow control freaks, life is better when it's not in your hands! I promise if you let God lead and you just go where you are called, take the step even if you can’t see where you will go from there. You will finally be able to breathe. You will find rest. There is a serenity, a calm that is only felt when the Father holds the plans and you just remain faithful and obedient.
Now to throw bible verses at you. These are just some I enjoy, and they help when I am feeling all ehhhh you know what I mean?
Isaiah 58:11 - The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Psalm 37:23 - The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way.
Romans 15:13 - May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
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